A Letter From Evgeny Kuznetsov


the_CAPS_lock stumbled upon a letter from Russian forward and future Washington Capital, Evgeny Kuznetsov, and after a day of loose translation we present it to you:

Dear Canada,

Now that the World Junior Hockey Championships are over, I wanted to take a moment and just give you two words from the heart: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry my performance in the tournament, specifically the game against your country, caused Eric Francis to have a virtual aneurysm that resulted in a horrific case of written diarrhea full of irrelevant notes regarding WJHC history and an attack on my Russian brethren and teammate, Alexander Ovechkin.

I’m sorry Mr. Francis’ article sparked quite possibly the most devastating rebuttal in online history.

I’m sorry I am now wearing a silver medal around my neck, while your players are stuck wearing enlarged US pennies. On a positive note, they feign happiness very well.

I’m sorry I didn’t hear a Canadian player’s name announced as the MVP. I have a bad feeling I may have had something to do with that.

I’m sorry I led the tournament in points scored. That was very selfish of me. I should learn how to turn down my awesome and let the host country have a sliver of glory every now and then.

I’m sorry my breakaway hat-trick goal forced your goalie, Scott Wedgewood, to face-palm the ice. I was embarrassed for him.

I’m sorry that when I enter the NHL next season I will undoubtedly cause Mike Milbury to sound even more idiotic as I join the list of Russian players targeted in his enlightening “commentary.”

For all these things I am deeply apologetic and wish you and your country the best in the future. Maybe you can win next year when I am gone.

Regards,

Evgeny Kuznetsov

P.S. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

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