Or pose for Out Magazine standing next to his white Lamborghini Gallardo with dead bodies in the background….

But after leaving the game Saturday night in San Jose, apparently re-aggravating his groin injury, Mike Green has traded his stockpile of handsome sports cars for something much more practical and hired himself a personal driver. I think he really matched his personality well on this one.

- L.A.

Dear Canada,

Now that the World Junior Hockey Championships are over, I wanted to take a moment and just give you two words from the heart: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry my performance in the tournament, specifically the game against your country, caused Eric Francis to have a virtual aneurysm that resulted in a horrific case of written diarrhea full of irrelevant notes regarding WJHC history and an attack on my Russian brethren and teammate, Alexander Ovechkin.

I’m sorry Mr. Francis’ article sparked quite possibly the most devastating rebuttal in online history.

I’m sorry I am now wearing a silver medal around my neck, while your players are stuck wearing enlarged US pennies. On a positive note, they feign happiness very well.

I’m sorry I didn’t hear a Canadian player’s name announced as the MVP. I have a bad feeling I may have had something to do with that.

I’m sorry I led the tournament in points scored. That was very selfish of me. I should learn how to turn down my awesome and let the host country have a sliver of glory every now and then.

I’m sorry my breakaway hat-trick goal forced your goalie, Scott Wedgewood, to face-palm the ice. I was embarrassed for him.

I’m sorry that when I enter the NHL next season I will undoubtedly cause Mike Milbury to sound even more idiotic as I join the list of Russian players targeted in his enlightening “commentary.”

For all these things I am deeply apologetic and wish you and your country the best in the future. Maybe you can win next year when I am gone.

Regards,

Evgeny Kuznetsov

P.S. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

To no surprise, I’ve seen about 20 articles and posts about how this is bullshit, we don’t know the story, or those dudes deserved an ass beating. All horse shit.. whether you’re defending these guys, or trying to clear your terrible philly name… I don’t care. You all suck, your city sucks, and I’d rather go to Arby’s and get a cheese steak than venture up to Philly to eat whatever hepatitis filled meat you pack into your diarrhea rolls.

In the past 10 years of my life, I have met fans from all over the country. I have now visited 8 different NHL venues (and dozens of other professional sports venues) outside of Washington and in most cases, participated in a pre or post game hammy fest with the home fans… Granted, hockey fans are probably the least likely to piss on anybody but still, I have not once thrown down with a fellow NHL fan.

Trust me when I say…I get all kinds of fired up when I see a Pens jersey within 200 miles of Verizon Center (which only gives about 40 miles of breathing room) but again, never have I gotten into a physical fight with a Pittsburgh fan…and to be quite honest, I enjoyed my stay in Pittsburgh during the Winter Classic and was quite surprised by the amount of NON-douchebaggy fans. You don’t know how amazing it was to hear on multiple occassions : ”no we’re not assholes, that’s Philly”.

I’m going to have to agree.. I’ve seen the worst of them… Dallas Cowboy fans, NY Ranger fans, Oakland (people in general), and everything in between. Nothing has been worse than my experiences in dealing with Philadelphia’s smug ass fans and even worse establishments.

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2012 was to stop being such a dick to people just because they prefer another sports franchise.. I’m starting off on the wrong foot.. So.. This year I’ve decided I’m going to take a trip up to Philadelphia, hopefully with a couple of other TCL’ers, and I’m going to attempt to debunk this article. I swear to you this: I won’t pick a fight, I won’t talk shit, and I’ll pretend to be enjoying all of the “great” things the city has to offer. This will be my 4th trip to Philadelphia, and hopefully a better one all before it.

Pack your sweaters and penicillin auto injectors.

- Rex

While we all wait to see even a twitch out of GMGM (which he’s not indicating anything) and for a jam packed Sunday.. I’m gonna quickly touch on something.

Read this article from our friends over at Capitals News Network.

Now I get it.. everyone wants to be a “true sports fan” and say things like, “I’m in it for the game, win or lose”, and “the players don’t’ owe us anything”.. but that’s horse shit. Individually, no they don’t. But collectively both the organization and to the fans, absolutely. I believe strongly in always being a fan of your team no matter how the season goes, but I’m not gonna cover up my disappointment with acting as if I’m some sort of sports snob and say it doesn’t bother me.

There is a big difference between entitlement and expectations and loyal fans have their expectations and they have their entitlements. I saw a comment that read something like “we as fans aren’t entitled to anything and if you’re not happy and if they aren’t winning, stop going to games”. What the dick is that?? I bet that guy is a Steelers, Yankees, Lakers, Duke fan…. from his couch.  If your fans are consistently selling out games and creating great buzz around the city, then yes, you owe them a cup. If you as an organization and team set the standard as winning no matter what… then YES, you owe your fans a cup. I know that may sound like a dickhead comment, but think about this…. Even though hockey players are known as being the least flashy in the professional world (see, “how many NHL players are on Twitter vs NBA players), they still depend on fans just as much as any other sport. The fans are just as important as the players, coaches and management. What’s the first thing you always hear any one of those in the organization say when they are given some type of award or honor… “This is for the best fans in the world” which is sweet of them right? Now I’m sure that every player in the NHL would still play even if it was for peanuts, but that wouldn’t work would it? Money makes everything function the way it should. When you buy that $200.00 sweater or pound those $10.00 beers, just think of the distant fan in Oregon that is thanking you for keeping the whole system running and keeping his game on Versus or the NHL network.

I’m ranting a tad, but the bottom line is this.. Yes, Caps fans, you are entitled to a Cup. Just as the New Jersey Devils fans, Boston Bruins fans, and even yes, The Shitsburgh Penguins fans are entitled to a cup. The day that you stop believing in winning, is the day you stop caring about the game all together.

Sorry for the jumbled post… Rizzle.

Capitals fall to a team that they haven’t been able to show up and beat at their house since 1993. Sigh. Now, this was a good, physical San Jose team that has been having a great February compared to their disaster of a January, but I honestly thought Washington was going to be able to smash through in the 3^rd after looking like the better team in the 1^st and 2^nd.

And thanks to some stellar commentary, I give you this…

1993.. ah yes.

Breakin it down, yo.

Niemi came up big for the Sharks in many situations, including some early big saves on Ovechkin in the first which should have been goals. I’m gonna give him the win for the Sharks.

Ovie looks good in the 1^st given the back to back games, and sets a physical tone right off the bat. It catches up with him at the end of the period when a big hit turns into “interference”. Good on the kill and super props to Neuvy for coming up with a monster save with about a second left in the power play.

And then… ANOTHER short handed goal. It’s terrible when I sit and start to dread power plays. It induces stress and rarely produces goals.

…. Until Ovie nets his 23^rd of the season through a bit of traffic. I almost forgot what it was like to score on a pp. whoo.

Going confidently into the second. Neuvirth looks solid, the game looks like its ours to win for sure. After a ton of missed opportunities and plenty of good saves for both teams, the 2^nd ends without a goal.

Still feeling good going into the third…

The Sharks get a good looking goal when Clowe stands on the crease and bats one in.. now is it me, or was the nearest Caps sweater 10 feet away at the time of the goal? I was too pissed to go back on the dvr so I’m just going to agree with myself.

And here’s where I’ll just sum it up quickly.

-Neuvirth puts a monster save on Couture.

-Erskine’s pentalty was bullshitkaki.

-Sharks get a pp goal to make it 3-1.

-I give up with 3 minutes left, Backs gets a good screen and puts one in with 1:55 putting a tingling back into my pants again… it was a text message from one of the guys over Eutaw Street.

San Jose plays LOCK DOWN defense with a minute left and we can’t even get our goalie off the ice.

Boom Bang Bam… game.

See ya on Sunday.

I’m gonna keep my post all related to tonight’s game as we know that we could write 300 pages on the past month or so. (eh hmm, Nastey Nate)

Some would say that this was a “fun” game to watch… and I would disagree. These are the scenarios that I would call “fun”:

*A Caps win by 4 plus goals. (extra fun if it’s against NYR, Pitt, TB etc.)

*Any Penguins loss… especially with these results

*Any game that involves full ice brawls

*A close, physical game that doesn’t end with the scoreboard looking like a football game.

Nothing is fun about your team allowing 6 goals. Nothing.

Anyway… I’m just gonna point out the highs and lows of the game… not that they weren’t obvious

Highs – A win against the West.

-Ovie goes five hole, while falling down on a beaut of a breakaway… thus increasing my girlfriends odds of having another hot dream about him (I’ve created a HOvechkin).

-I was totally pissed at Laich and Carlson for the first PP goal BUT…. Laich redeems himself by keeping his cool and tossing the puck in the net from point blank. Lesser gents would have bobbled the puck and been stuffed like a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving.

-Johansson corrals a somewhat off pass brilliantly and chucks it to the front of the crease. Semin gets the goal and if you watch the replay, it bounces off his gut and he smacks it into the net.

-Backstrom gets the Ducks 5^th goal..  Good news for Socal residents : Participating Hooters gives out 5 free wings tonight… Thanks Nicki!

-Johnny draws blood. Tight.

-Knuble gets a bad ass breakaway goal .. shorthanded. Now stats won’t show shorthanded because he scored a second into being full strength, but the break was before hand.

-Semin looked fired up in the 3^rd… gets his second goal of the night.

-And then his third… welcome back, Sir. My hat’s off to you… eh?? eh?? booyah.

 The lows.

-The Ducks score with 30 seconds left in the first. Unacfuckingceptable.

-Ovie got “Ovied” on the Ducks shorthanded goal in the second. Same goal, Neuvirth stands completely still and doesn’t attempt to stop the puck or anticipate the shot at all. Not sure what that was all about but I’m sure Varly was feeling a bit better about himself.

-Our defense looks awesome… totally.

COUPLE NOTES

 I don’t know why, but I think the way Matt Hendricks wears his bucket is awesome. Seriously.. this dude wears his helmet like he’s shitfaced. Also, I love watching Carlson push people around after the whistle] –  I’ve been to the Duck pond or whatever they are calling that joint now and if you think it was just the broadcast made it look tame, thats because it is.. I think the Californians are just too cool to lose thier shit and act a fool cause that place is like a library. – PS- Lemieux is a douche

T-Rizzle

The funniest thing about all this is that the critics weren’t just the national and mainly Canadian hockey media. Caps fans were highly critical when the team lost a game 7 at home for the third season in a row. This caused Caps fans to push the same company line we heard about the Caps every time they were talked about, ” They need to become a better defensive team” and ” You can’t expect to win 5-4 games in the playoffs”. Defenseman Mike Green seemed to be the poster child for the teams struggles in the postseason, and evidence that maybe a shift in strategy was necessary.

Well the fans got what they wished for, and the team decided to change its identity seemingly on the fly. From the wide open style through which they swarmed opponents with their seemingly overwhelming talent, to a more conventional style of play. The games were no longer as exciting, and to make matters worst the results weren’t coming in the same matter fans grew accustomed to. The Great 8 was no longer putting together a personal highlight reel every night and offense that seemed to be the best in the NHL now seemed merely average.The Caps had gone from being lauded for being an offensive juggernaut that considered defense an afterthought to a team that struggled to score 3 goals a night and played a style of hockey usually suited for the mid-90s New Jersey Devils. This all happened seemingly in a matter of two months.

Obviously it doesn’t help when you have a December like the one the Caps had. Their 5-6-3 December also included a stretch where they went winless for eight straight games. However the misconception was that the style of play was to blame. Fact of the matter is that the team was not putting forth the kind of effort necessary to play that brand of hockey. If any lesson should have been learned by this team in the three straight losses to the Canadiens its that you have to earn it. Now it seems that over the three weeks the team has seen the error in their former ways. The effort level is up and while the team may not be playing the exciting brand everyone loved them for, the results are starting to improve.

While the transition has not gone as smoothly as a lot of people would have liked, there is clearly light at the end of the tunnel. With the trade deadline on the horizon GMGM is likely to add another piece to the puzzle, and the push for the Cup will be soon after that. A team that at times seemed disinterested and hopeless in December now looks like a team that knows that their chance for redemption is on the horizon. The chance to silence the naysayers who question their mental toughness, and a chance to make DC home to a champion for the first time in what seems like ages.

Fake Juice

Please forgive my short-fuse with you this season. Despite the text messages I send out [seemingly every game night] that read ‘These guys fucking suck,’ or ‘It feels like the Caps just kicked my dog,’ or ‘I’d rather take a haymaker from Fedor Emelianenko than watch another Caps shootout,’ I’m not going to jump ship to another team anytime soon, or ever really. But I, along with many Caps fans (it would appear), am getting fucking restless for a Cup.

Maybe it’s living in the DC area for coming up on 25 years now. The last time a major franchise won a championship in DC was when the Redskins won in ’91*. I was 4 years old and barely remember the house I lived in, much less the Skins hoisting Joe Gibbs after winning Super Bowl XXII. The previous time before that? Again the ‘Skins in ’87 and I had lackluster motor skills and was deucing all over  myself at 9 months old.

The Wizards/Bullets have made it to the playoffs 7 times in my lifetime. They have made it out of the opening round once. They are currently in the midst of a “skid” where they have lost 25 games in a row away from Verizon Center. Their overall win percentage is .271. There’s a better chance of a sequel to Kazaam being released before the Wiz bring home a Larry O’Brien.

The Washington Nationals are still like a new puppy to me. I can’t get mad at them for losing because some schmuck in Montreal destroyed their franchise after the strike. At least they are living up to their expectations, as low as they might be, on a yearly basis. But even before then, when the Orioles were the local team for DC fans, there’s been few chances for a World Series banner around here. Since 1997, the Orioles and Nationals have combined for 19 seasons without finishing above .500.

Maybe I am taking it out on you, Washington Capitals, because you are arguably the most talented DC franchise I have seen in that span. You were the best team in the National Hockey League last year over 82 games, then shit the bed in games 83-88. The roster this season is largely unchanged from last year’s. Lost a few, gained a few, but the nucleus of last year’s President’s Trophy team remains in tact.

Take a page from New England here. The Boston/New England area franchises hadn’t won a championship in 15 years prior to the Patriots’ 2001 Super Bowl. Since then they have added 2 more rings, the Celtics have won a championship, and the Red Sox have two World Series trophies. Six titles for one area in 9 years isn’t bad. Maybe the Capitals and their talent are the spark the other franchises could use to spawn more titles.

So what do you say fellas? How about you start playing with as much energy that Verizon Center crowd gives you on a nightly basis? How about we play full 60-minute games? How about we start winning games prior to overtime where we are 4-5 [dropping 5 straight before we head to the shootout].  And if we should have to go to a shootout, how about we do a little better than the abysmal 2-6? I assume you’ve all grown up playing hockey – how many times in your life have you gone one-on-one against a goalie? It certainly isn’t anything new. Those are 11 points left on the board after going into OT, guess how many point we’re behind for the top spot in the NHL? Crazy coincidence.

Just something to think about.

You shitbums.

Love,

Lester Averman

* I realize DC United has won the U.S. Open Cup twice since the inaugural 1996 season. I also realize I said “major franchise.”

The CAPS engaged in just 21 fights last season, 20 in the regular season. Only the Red Wings (19) fought less as a team than Washington. Some may attribute this to good team discipline, not allowing themselves to be baited into giving their opponents any unnecessary momentum. The 12 fighting majors in just 18 games this season points to a more physical style of play that I feel will only help us down the road. Granted 4 of those 12 came in just one contest against New Jersey. Some highlights so far include:

• Newly acquired Matt Hendricks leads the team with 4 fights. When the CAPS signed Hendricks this summer I admittedly knew little about the 29 year-old center. His career stats didn’t imply an immediate impact, but Hendricks’ blue-collar style of play has quickly made him one of my favorite players on the team.
• Mike Green entered this year with one career NHL fight. He as already dropped the gloves (and helmet per Junior Hockey etiquette) twice this year. While his fighting style against Kovalchuk resembled a kitten batting at a ball of yarn who can also headlock someone, it’s good to see Greenie ready to throw down when necessary. Matt Bradley should open up a school for fighting on skates to help Green and Semin. Hell,I’d enroll in his inaugural class for sure.
• Nicklas Backstrom has even thrown his frame around on the ice as of late, delivering a few checks against Tampa Bay’s Dominic Moore on Thursday night.
• Tyler Sloan followed suit last night against the Thrashers, according to Steve Kolbe of Capitals Radio as I listened to his emphatic call of number 89 clearing out an opponent in front of Neuvirth.
• Last and certainly not least, John Erskine and his mustache engaged in what some (Japers’ Rink; Puck Daddy) are calling the early Fight of the Year frontrunner with Eric Boulton of Atlanta. 

This style of play is awesome to see out of our team. As long as they keep breaking opponents’ faces and not their own hands I hope to see this continue well into our playoff-run in 2011.

- L.A.

The rookie, Marcus Johansson, got off to a poor start with a terrible turnover right in front of Neuvirth that lead to the Devils first goal.  Carlson quickly followed with a wrister from the blue line that was just nasty to set the score even. The devils notched their second and final goal around the 14 minute mark which put the score at 2 to 1 for the remainder of the 1st.  After that the Devils might have well just packed up and gone home because the final 2 periods were just hilariously awesome for Caps fans.

The second period contained 4 Capital goals: Flash, Ovechkin (2), and Chimera.  Ovie is such a beast.  On his first goal he had the entire Devils team around him and he still managed to get the shot off…so Nasty.  Chimera scored on a breakaway from the penalty box that was pretty sweet.  Ovie followed with a breakaway that lead to a penalty shot which he nailed which lead to Brodeur getting the hook.

Brooksie and Fehr added goals in the fight filled 3rd period (all of which are in the Beltway Brawls section).  These fights were pretty hilarious and the matchups were pretty unusual. The only fight I had a problem with was the one on Johansson…Seriously Devils?  Johansson apparently stated in the faceoff that he did not want to fight and you guys attack him from behind, real classy..You better believe that D.J. King will suit up next time we see them in late November.  All in all it was an embarrassing night for the Devils and a great home opener for the Caps.

The 2nd game in the home stand was a nail biter that ended with Ovie coming to the rescue in OT.  Bruce had some pretty interesting comments about Ovie’s performance, basically saying that only a guy like Ovechkin can have such a terrible game and end up being the hero.  Ovie said that he was just really tired and wanted to get off the ice..feel free to put it in the net anytime you feel like you need a rest..fine by me.

The Islanders came in to town for another close game to wrap up the home stand.  Ovie notched another goal and then had the assist on the game winner that reflected off of Backstroms skate for the 2-1 win. A few other notes are that Nuvy has looked better each and every game.  Mike Green left with a shoulder stinger, so we will have to see how long he is out for.

Alright time for a few beers in DC…Peace.