Monthly Archives: January 2012

Mike Green’s New Ride

Caps fans are used to seeing Mike Green pull up to autograph sessions in his black Bentley Continental…

Or pose for Out Magazine standing next to his white Lamborghini Gallardo with dead bodies in the background….

But after leaving the game Saturday night in San Jose, apparently re-aggravating his groin injury, Mike Green has traded his stockpile of handsome sports cars for something much more practical and hired himself a personal driver. I think he really matched his personality well on this one.

– L.A.

A Letter From Evgeny Kuznetsov

the_CAPS_lock stumbled upon a letter from Russian forward and future Washington Capital, Evgeny Kuznetsov, and after a day of loose translation we present it to you:

Dear Canada,

Now that the World Junior Hockey Championships are over, I wanted to take a moment and just give you two words from the heart: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry my performance in the tournament, specifically the game against your country, caused Eric Francis to have a virtual aneurysm that resulted in a horrific case of written diarrhea full of irrelevant notes regarding WJHC history and an attack on my Russian brethren and teammate, Alexander Ovechkin.

I’m sorry Mr. Francis’ article sparked quite possibly the most devastating rebuttal in online history.

I’m sorry I am now wearing a silver medal around my neck, while your players are stuck wearing enlarged US pennies. On a positive note, they feign happiness very well.

I’m sorry I didn’t hear a Canadian player’s name announced as the MVP. I have a bad feeling I may have had something to do with that.

I’m sorry I led the tournament in points scored. That was very selfish of me. I should learn how to turn down my awesome and let the host country have a sliver of glory every now and then.

I’m sorry my breakaway hat-trick goal forced your goalie, Scott Wedgewood, to face-palm the ice. I was embarrassed for him.

I’m sorry that when I enter the NHL next season I will undoubtedly cause Mike Milbury to sound even more idiotic as I join the list of Russian players targeted in his enlightening “commentary.”

For all these things I am deeply apologetic and wish you and your country the best in the future. Maybe you can win next year when I am gone.

Regards,

Evgeny Kuznetsov

P.S. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

Phuck Philly

This is probably going to piss off a lot of people and bring out the trolls, but I don’t give a shit…. Philadelphia has officially taking the lead for having the worst SPORTS fans in the country. I know, I know, someone is going to say something like “it’s only a few bad apples”, or “you can’t judge our fan base by a couple of morons”… well guess what? I’m fucking doing it. Lets watch this awesome video of two idiots beating up on a couple of guys attempting to get a cheese steak.

To no surprise, I’ve seen about 20 articles and posts about how this is bullshit, we don’t know the story, or those dudes deserved an ass beating. All horse shit.. whether you’re defending these guys, or trying to clear your terrible philly name… I don’t care. You all suck, your city sucks, and I’d rather go to Arby’s and get a cheese steak than venture up to Philly to eat whatever hepatitis filled meat you pack into your diarrhea rolls.

In the past 10 years of my life, I have met fans from all over the country. I have now visited 8 different NHL venues (and dozens of other professional sports venues) outside of Washington and in most cases, participated in a pre or post game hammy fest with the home fans… Granted, hockey fans are probably the least likely to piss on anybody but still, I have not once thrown down with a fellow NHL fan.

Trust me when I say…I get all kinds of fired up when I see a Pens jersey within 200 miles of Verizon Center (which only gives about 40 miles of breathing room) but again, never have I gotten into a physical fight with a Pittsburgh fan…and to be quite honest, I enjoyed my stay in Pittsburgh during the Winter Classic and was quite surprised by the amount of NON-douchebaggy fans. You don’t know how amazing it was to hear on multiple occassions : “no we’re not assholes, that’s Philly”.

I’m going to have to agree.. I’ve seen the worst of them… Dallas Cowboy fans, NY Ranger fans, Oakland (people in general), and everything in between. Nothing has been worse than my experiences in dealing with Philadelphia’s smug ass fans and even worse establishments.

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2012 was to stop being such a dick to people just because they prefer another sports franchise.. I’m starting off on the wrong foot.. So.. This year I’ve decided I’m going to take a trip up to Philadelphia, hopefully with a couple of other TCL’ers, and I’m going to attempt to debunk this article. I swear to you this: I won’t pick a fight, I won’t talk shit, and I’ll pretend to be enjoying all of the “great” things the city has to offer. This will be my 4th trip to Philadelphia, and hopefully a better one all before it.

Pack your sweaters and penicillin auto injectors.

– Rex